By Helen Kim Choi

Note for the reader: This blog post has been edited from its original posting to include additional thoughts from the author. The full story and journey of the Choi Family can be found at choifamily.squarespace.com.

When I think of what it means to be a mother, so many thoughts come to my mind. Thoughts of how as a child, I perceived my own mom to have just been magically born as a cute old Korean lady with a perm- invincible and unstoppable... only to realize that she too was once a little girl, a teenager, a young adult, and overnight, a mom like I was. She powered through life, sometimes hanging by a tiny thread, but never lacking in love for us or faith in her Lord. And as she ages on, I now see everyday (she lives with me) how beautifully and humbly human she is and always was. Now as a mother myself, I see how important it is to be honest with myself, others, and with God. To embrace my fears, failures and weaknesses, so God's power can be all the more evident. I became a mother to three of the greatest gifts of my life, and now I am waiting to bring another precious child home. You are about to read our family's adoption story. But to be totally honest, while my husband and I were just dating, he brought up adoption and my heart was closed. I only had fear and doubts that blinded me from seeing a deep, accurate picture of adoption. But God always has a way of opening eyes. I am still learning everyday how to surrender and cling to Jesus, on my best days and even on the days I feel like I'm hanging by a tiny thread. Thank you for taking the time to read about our family's story, and most of all, about our God.

We sat and wrote our story together, so you will see glimpses of both of us throughout. We wrote as much detail as possible because this is where we will come back time and again to remember how it all started.

God. Our story has always started with God. From the start of dating 11 years ago and marriage a year later, the miraculous healing of our first-born baby, two more beautiful children, mini-van life, seven moves in nine years, our first home, ministry, church planting, to seasons of loss, struggle, heartache and all the hills and valleys in-between… God has always been the Author and Sustainer of our story.

We have been blessed with three rambunctious, hilarious, smelly, unashamedly raw, deeply thoughtful, loving boys! We praise God for them! At the same time, from the beginning of our marriage, God planted in us a desire to adopt. About 6 years ago, after our second son was born, we explored different countries for the first time and eventually inquired about a precious boy from South Korea with specific medical needs. But the door quickly closed because we didn’t meet certain requirements. We were discouraged, but it was during that time that we knew God was planting South Korea in our hearts, and for years we would revisit the idea of adopting a “waiting child” (children who have very specific needs) from there.

Fast forward to April 2021. It started one night when our hearts were led to pray and cry out for Korea, and we both unexpectedly sensed that the Lord was calling us to officially pursue adoption. The next day, we went to the “Waiting Child Photo Listing” for Korea on our agency’s website. Within about five seconds, we saw a photo of a little baby “boy” in white and yellow pajamas and we were both struck. Eli said, “He looks like our baby.” To which Helen replied, “Oh my gosh… this is our baby!” How could a child we never met feel like a child we always knew? We clicked on “his” profile to read the description, and we noticed that the pronouns were all female, but quickly assumed there was a loss in translation. The profile stated that this baby has Biliary Atresia, a rare and serious condition of the bile ducts and liver that would one day require a liver transplant. We inquired about this “boy” and to our surprise, the agency coordinator informed us that there was a typo on the website and that the child is actually a girl whose name is B! We thought it would be an easy decision to move forward, but after reviewing her extensive medical report we began to question ourselves, and ultimately God. We were in the bathroom washing up for bed and suddenly a wave of fear crashed on us. How would we manage four children? Will she adjust well? Will she be happy here? How can we help her thrive? How will the kids be affected? Marriage? Family? Ministry? Will we ever sleep again? How do we afford this? Oh, and by the way, where do you get a liver? With heavy hearts, we notified the agency that we would not be moving forward. But with every day that went by, we both couldn’t stop thinking of her. We prayed together about all our worries and fears, and God showed us our inability to do anything, even take a breath, apart from His grace. The power of His love is greater than our fears. His plans will prevail. We don’t need to know the outcome, we just need to follow Him as He goes before us- one step at a time. Shortly after, we happened to stumble upon our first-born’s medical file. We flipped through the thick stack of forms stating numerous and scary complications at the time of his birth. Reading what seemed like an endless number of issues, we were hit with the thought that if he were to have been an orphan, how long would he have had to wait before a family followed the call to adopt him? Because the parents who would end up adopting him would have ended up being the most blessed parents in the world. Our fears began to disappear as God showed us that behind all of the overwhelming doctor’s reports was a precious child. A child that was wonderfully created with a plan and purpose. We let the agency know that we would officially pursue B’s adoption. We could never have imagined what would happen next all in the span of four weeks.

We were told to start our home study process which would take an average of 3-6 months until her committee meeting (at this agency, there is always a committee meeting for all “waiting children” to be matched with the right family). Only families who had completed home studies by the time of the committee meeting were allowed to be considered. The next day, we began tackling the long list of tasks, one after another. By the end of that first week, we were on a roll but still had only made a dent. A couple days later, the agency gave us some news… B’s committee meeting was set to take place in just three weeks! The agency did not say we wouldn’t be considered, but we could tell they knew it would be nearly impossible for us to complete our home study in three weeks. Plus, they said there were two other families, both ready with completed home studies, who would be considered for B’s adoption at the committee meeting. They apologized for not being able to wait longer for us. We understood completely. After getting off the phone with the agency, we looked at each other expecting the other to be sad. But we both looked totally at peace. We trusted in His sovereignty to work all things for her good and match her with the right family. All we could do was keep going until the door would close.

The next couple of weeks felt like Mario Kart… it was like every day there were turtle shells and banana peels everywhere, but we’d miraculously dodge them as we were headed toward the finish line. Nope, not today Satan! Each day we watched as God swiftly carried us through. Like how we were able to receive an expedited medical review from a Biliary Atresia specialist in Philadelphia. Or when the fire marshal first told us that he was on vacation and had a long waitlist, but quickly agreed to come at 9:00 a.m. the very next morning to complete our fire inspection. Or how we called around 50 doctors to request a pre-adoption psychological evaluation to be completed in a week, and after 49 rejections, one doctor contacted us after-hours at 5:30 p.m. and agreed to do it for us. And how we were waiting in the final days for our MD and DC background clearances to come back and they arrived at the last hour. It was in that final hour, while we were at a friend’s house, that Helen snuck into the bathroom to receive a call from our social worker. Our social worker called to let us know that we would officially be considered at B’s committee meeting! Of course, as long as we completed our home study by then. Our wonderful social worker and her supervisor finalized our home study over that very weekend and submitted it to our adoption agency— just a couple days before the committee meeting. In those last few days before the meeting, God continued to show His faithfulness as we were able to finish all our trainings, unexpectedly received a check that we used to pay the home study fees due that day, and so much more.

We will never forget the day of the committee meeting, which also happened to be our 10-year anniversary. We woke up with anticipation, but deep inside was a wondering of what this day would mean for B, her birth parents, foster family, and so many others involved. The committee meeting was at 2:00 p.m. (or so we thought) and since families do not attend the committee meetings, we wanted to be together when our social worker would call with the committee’s decision. So, the plan was for Eli to pick up Helen at 2:30 p.m. and spend the day together. But at 1:30 p.m., while Helen was home and Eli was still out working, Helen received a text from our social worker to give her a call. Helen’s first thought was… are we not going to be included in the meeting anymore? She called our social worker who said she has something to tell us. The next few words that came out of our social worker’s mouth still feel unreal to this day. “YOU GUYS WERE CHOSEN.” I’m sorry WHAT?! The committee meeting was actually earlier that morning! Our social worker described how the meeting went and that after hours of discussion, it was an unanimous vote from the committee to match B with our family. So right around 2:30 p.m., Eli came home to pick up Helen for our 10-year anniversary fun day. Right when Helen got in the car Eli said, “It’s 2:30 p.m., the committee meeting is happening right now!” Helen frantically tried to think of clever ways to surprise Eli but all she could do was fake a smile as the tears were rolling down. Eli did a double take at her expression. He asked, “What happened? Did you talk to the social worker?” To which Helen replied, “We were chosen.” Eli stopped the car and we both burst into tears. Our hearts and spirits praised the Lord for who He is and all He had done.

We already love this child, even without having met her. We pray for this child, even without her knowing we do. Our hearts are overjoyed when we think of her. But we don’t pretend to understand B’s story before we ever came into the picture. There was great loss for her, and for her birth parents. Her story started long before us, a story filled with indescribable loss and immeasurable love. And like all things in this life, we know that it will not be easy. There will be grief and suffering. There will be times of uncertainty and fear. Things may not always turn out the way we had hoped. This broken world will always be filled with sin, sickness, and sorrow. But praise God that our hope is not in the things of this world, but in the promise that God will carry us throughout life on this side of eternity, and into an eternity with no more tears, pain, suffering, or death for those who put their faith in Jesus Christ. We see God’s great love for us in the life, death, and resurrection of His Son, Jesus Christ, who brings us into an eternal relationship with the almighty, loving, and gracious God as adopted sons and daughters.

Our Adoption Story

Not How, But Who

The Perfect Mother