Belonging
Written by Michelle Yi
I grew up feeling like I never belonged.
As cliche as it sounds, bringing kimbap to lunch the first day of kindergarten and realizing everyone else had bologna sandwiches was one of the first memories I have of feeling like an outsider in a country that I was born & raised in. Later, moving to Asia as a teenage missionary kid, as much as I made friends and tried to learn the language, there was still a cultural barrier that I couldn’t get past. Now, in my 9th year of ministry as a female pastor in a Korean-American church, there’s still that sense of being an outsider when you’re one of the few girls in a sea of male pastors…
I struggled with not belonging for a long time. A lifetime. I always wondered, “God, why? Why can’t I just be like others? Why can’t I fit in? Why is this my life?” I felt like I was trying so hard to fit into a mold that wasn’t made for me. (that wasn’t mine)
It wasn’t until my mid twenties, when I finally started accepting myself for who I was, the way that God created me to be, that I finally felt peace.
God had created me to be me. With my specific experiences, with my specific differences. So that He could use those experiences and differences to do something greater. Whether it be the cultural, generational, or gender gaps, differences are always there. But it’s in these differences, that there is opportunity for Him to move, bridge, and even restore.
I don’t always belong and sometimes I still feel like an outsider. But God created me as I am, and in the end, I belong with Jesus.
Michelle Yi was born in NY, raised in NJ as a child, & spent her teenage years as a missionary kid in Asia. Currently serving as a Youth Pastor for 147 Youth Ministry in Englewood, NJ. She loves going to concerts, a good slice of grandma pizza, and some sparkly nail art ;)